Integrity Security & Investigation Services, Inc. (@isis2020 on twitter), has posted some key indicators that a spouse MAY be cheating on their blog in a great article.
If any of the following occurs or if your spouse utters these phrases, warning bells should go off and you should consider hiring a private investigator:
1. “I’m not in love with you anymore.”
If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to loose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone – induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.
2. “We are just friends.”
This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new “friend” then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.
3. A sudden need for privacy.
If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention cause something is probably up. He/she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign!
4. “I need some space to figure my feelings for you.”
Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space, time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.
5. Regular work habits change.
Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating.
6. Spending a large amount of time on the computer.
In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs.
If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.
7. Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.
Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records.
8. Behavior that just doesn’t add up.
Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can’t explain. Money that isn’t accounted for. Receipts for things you don’t have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day.
9. Your Own fears and suspicions
If you find yourself looking for excuses for your spouse’s behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign. Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and then talk to him/her about what you’ve found. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also. Maybe you want to consider hiring a Private Investigator to collect the proof for you?
Social networking sites, such as Facebook, Bebo and MySpace, are the latest phenomenon with millions of people enjoying catching up with old friends or making new ones. But lawyers are already predicting that the sites will be the next tool to be used in divorce proceedings and that the first ‘Facebook divorce’ is not far away.
Currently, over 13.7 million people in the UK use these sites regularly. Many who enjoy flirtatious emails and conversations with people, who are not their partners, are often lulled into a false sense of security that they are not doing anything wrong because they are only flirting electronically, and they don’t consider it to be as harmful as flirting in real life.
But even if a physical relationship hasn’t occurred, these emails can be used in divorce proceedings and although the person on Facebook may have thought them to be harmless, the aggrieved party can use saucy messages in a divorce court to prove unreasonable behaviour.
Antonia Love, head of family law and partner at Farleys, says, "It is probable that electronic evidence will not lead to a huge rise in divorce figures but it may certainly make a lawyer’s job easier as people are a lot less careful about what they write in emails than what they write down on paper."
In the US a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers has found that there has been an 88 per cent increase in the number of divorce cases using electronic data as evidence.
In the small print of most of the biggest social networking sites it states that, in some cases, if legal standards are met, user information can be passed on to law enforcement agencies and legal teams involved in civil disputes, divorces and employment actions.
In a recent case involving social networking sites a man, from Newport Pagnell, who had been ordered by magistrates not to contact his estranged wife, was jailed for ten days when he joined Facebook and an automatic "friend request" was sent to all the people on his email contact list, including his ex-wife.
A spokesman for Relate, the counselling service, in the UK said that because social networking sites are a new phenomenon it’s too early to judge whether they are a problem. But computer companies are already preparing to cash in by bringing out software which a suspicious husband or wife can load on to a computer so that they can spy on all email sent to and from their spouse.
SOURCE: MSN Money in an article by Jane Bell
Law evolving as divorces drag in digital evidence
Is a virtual affair real-world infidelity?
High-Tech Evidence: A Lawyer’s Friend or Foe?
Tell-All PCs and Phones Transforming Divorce
Social Networking Sites are a Treasure Trove Of Information
In a divorce, your electronic musings can end up in front of the judge
Nation’s Top Divorce Lawyers Note Dramatic Rise in Electronic Evidence
If I didn’t read about it in three different cases, I would have never believed it. Apparently over history, the pet parrot has been a key witness in proving unfaithfulness and abuse in marriage:
November 19, 1937: According to the LA Times, Mr. James J. Reynolds wanted to put his parrot on the stand to testify concerning its knowledge of the domestic affairs of him and his wife by showing that the bird had learned to call Reynolds certain abusive names and that the bird’s teacher could have been none other than Mrs. Reynolds. Superior Judge Brand, however, refused to allow a parrot to testify declaring the procedure was a little too irregular in that the parrot probably could not be placed under oath and furthermore probably could not recall who had taught it anything it might have learned.”
November 28, 2005: Frank Ficker of Freiburg (try saying that five times straight) thought he had it all: successful wife, nice home, and a mistress on the side. But the family parrot, a pro at imitating Frank, spilled the beans on his cheating ways. That’s how Mrs. Ficker found out about her husband’s affair with a woman named Uta. “Hugo always liked to mimic Frank and he could do his voice perfectly,” said his wife. But one day Mrs. Ficker heard the bird repeating something she’d never heard before. “I heard him doing Frank’s voice, but saying ‘Uta, Uta,’” she said. According to DW-World, the unfamiliar word got the wife searching their house where she eventually came across two plane tickets to Paris, one for Frank, another for Uta (who was, evidently, the other woman.) “I kicked him straight out,” she said. “It’s just me and my parrot now.” Divorce proceedings are pending.
February 27, 2006: Argentina – Angry wife Rosella DeGambos got her blabbermouth parrot Bozo to testify in court, who then spilled all the family secrets within a two-hour appearance. “I knew he’d seen everything that my husband Carlos did when my back was turned,” Mrs. DeGambos said in an interview about her bizarre divorce court ploy. “And I knew he had the vocabulary to describe what he’d witnessed. According to Nature’s Corner, the parrot described three “pretty dollies” that Carlos had “tickled” while his wife was away. He also identified the women in photographs, calling them by their correct names. “I used to think that Carlos was a faithful husband but Bozo let me know about a year ago that something was up when I wasn’t home,” Mrs. DeGambos said. “He was using new words, words of love. And he began giggling in a high-pitched feminine voice. He kept saying, “No Carlos, not here,” and things like that. I knew if the lawyers could get him to testify, there was plenty of information they could get from him.” Shown one picture of the 23-year-old beautician Carlos allegedly wooed in his home, the bird shrieked, “Honeybun, I love you.” When Mrs. DeGambos’ attorney asked the bird, “Who loves Carlos?” the winged witness said, “Ruby loves Carlos, Ruby loves her baby.” Coincidently, Ruby is DeGambos’ young and voluptuous secretary. Judge Agusto, let Bozo’s testimony stand and granted the Mrs. her divorce. The first such ruling in the world.
Either way, it’ll be pretty easy to determine who gets to keep the parrot…
SOURCE: Darn Divorce
Fellow blogger Dan Nunley at the Oklahoma Family Law Blog has the following wise cautionary observations on the use of private investigators, as related in our posting of Alabama Family Law Blog’s message on the subject:
Michael Sherman of the Alabama Family Law Blog encouraged those suspecting their spouses of infidelity to consider hiring a private investigator. While most states including Oklahoma no longer make fault a prerequisite of divorce, establishing fault (such as adultery) can benefit a spouse when it comes to decisions such as custody and property division. And some spouses hire a private investigator for just such reasons.
However, truth be told, most private investigators are retained to uncover evidence of unfaithfulness simply because the innocent spouse has been hurt and now wants at a minimum, verification of the betrayal, and as a matter of principal, payback or revenge. But the innocent spouse needs to proceed carefully, because improper surveillance tactics on the part of the investigator could very likely boomerang causing the innocent spouse to now be liable to the cheating spouse.
There are strict state and federal laws regarding the use of surveillance equipment such as listening devices which allow you to eavesdrop on another person, hidden cameras which let you view the activities of others without their knowledge, GPS tracking devices which allow you to monitor the location of someone’s vehicle, and other gadgets or software installed on someone else’s computer to monitor their internet activities.
So a word to the wise would be "CAUTION". Proceed with caution when contemplating spying on your spouse.
Elissa*, 43, is married with two school-age children, and loves the internet. She catches up on surplus office work via the home computer, regularly emails relatives interstate and, just to relieve the suburban boredom, shuffles time spent on eBay with about an hour every few weeks having cybersex in adult chat rooms.
She often accesses them via online dating websites such as redhotpie.com and adultmatchmaker.com.au, which each boast memberships in the hundreds of thousands. Although they primarily act as online dating services, they also offer the forum to "meet" likeminded people who are happy to keep their fantasies purely on the internet.
In the seamy online world she occasionally inhabits, Elissa has had a threesome in a Paris hotel room, been watched by a taxi driver as she was ravished by an enthusiastic young work colleague in the back seat of a cab en route to a business meeting, and performed a sexy strip for a room full of strangers at a lap-dancing club. Her list of more sedate, "bedroom-based" online flings numbers in the dozens.
"If my husband knew, I don’t think he’d like it," Elissa says of her cybersex dalliances away from her husband of 14 years. "He’d feel like I’d been cheating on him."
Is your partner having an affair with someone over the Internet? With the unhindered growth in dating sites, chatrooms and message boards, online affairs are becoming increasingly common in today’s Internet-driven era. What’s more, they can be just as destructive to your relationship as having a physical affair is.
Most people who have online affairs actually start off with no intention of having an affair. Typically, it develops as a product of circumstances when two people get chatting on a message board or in a chatroom, both presenting their virtual alter egos to one another. In this virtual world communication barriers are removed. People become less inhibited in what they say to each other, as they feel they have relative anonymity when hidden behind a keyboard and monitor. This brings out a more flirtatious side in people, and it is at this point that an online affair can very easily take hold.